Am I a MTF transual (sorry for long)?

Ok, since I was five years old, I have a feeling that I have the wrong body. Its not totally me, and especially downstairs, I am sorta disgusted on what I have. It *wore off* because school distracted me by a bit, since it was fun. Then the *problem* came back at around grade 4, when I finally got some friends xD. And then that was when I learned a lot about gender roles like girls shake their s, wear pink, and cry but boys don't do that. Thankfully they were not really mean. Then it came back to me in a weird form. Back in July of 2009, because of the public sector strike, and he introduced sonic old school, which let me watch some lets play of an old sonic game, and then I got touched by how a girl named Amy Rose and I have similar characteristics. I believe I am denying and making an excuse of how its an obsession. I am not an otaku. And to release my female feelings is to use the internet. I am moving into High School, so that will possibly make it even harder for me to hold it any longer. I feel more of a young woman than a young man. And to tell you the truth, I have a bf online and he doesn't know about me and he lives in the same city, which is Toronto. BTW I cant go to a counselor or gender therapist without my mom kicking me out, since my mom is a phobic, a transphobe, and wants to have a grand kid =( Do I have to wait for the unlucky age of 18 where puberty is just finishing up, because I don't want to be too tall, because I want to wear heels too. and I could only cross dress when home alone, and that's just to comfort me. And sorry if its like a life story.